Money

My Dear Girls,

About twelve years ago I knew that I wanted to be a single parent.   I'll save the reasons why I knew this was the right choice for me for another time.  I knew that money would be a big struggle in my life.

Single parents don't have someone to help them pay the mortgage or phone bill or extracurricular activities or tuition.  They don't have someone to help them watch the kids, so childcare costs are higher.  But your Grandma and Grandpa worked hard to give me a wonderful life, and I didn't want you girls to miss out on the incredible experiences I got to have as a kid. 

Vacations and field trips and all kinds of activities are an important part of a good childhood and I wanted you to be able to enjoy them.  So I started working hard.  I babysat for the first time at thirteen.  I looked after kids 3-4 days a week sometimes and I saved my money and learned a lot about kids in the process.

I kept getting new jobs, saving money and working with children.  I spent a good chunk of my money on law school, but I did that with you girls in mind too.  I needed a job that I could make good money at so that I could support my family without working three jobs.

I've worked hard, but it's worth it to me because I have a savings account with your names on it that I can add to a little bit each month.  Adoption is expensive, but I'm not worried.  We're going to have a great life and we're going to do it debt-free.

I want you to learn how to manage money so that you too can provide for yourselves and have great lives with your own families one day.  We're going to talk about money a lot and it's just because I want to pass on goo financial habits.  I already know that one day you're all going to roll your eyes when I talk about 'the budget'.

Love you!
Mom

Detroit

My Dear Girls,

Right now I live in downtown Detroit.  Within a week of moving here the city won me over.  There are beautiful people here that are struggling so hard.  Detroit has more heart than anywhere I've ever lived and regularly brings me to tears.

I see kids here all the time and they know things and go through things and know things that no kids should.  They know drugs and gangs and crime and prison not from seeing them on TV but through their young lives.  They realize their limitations too young and stop believing that they can do anything they set their minds too.

The irony is that they are so strong and capable.  They have had to fight so hard just to survive and beat the odds.  If they could just keep going and stay away from the drugs and the gangs, they probably could do whatever they want.

I see things and overhear things that I wish I hadn't.  And every time I think of you guys.  I hope that none of you had to experience any of those hardships in your young lives before you came to me.  I know that you will have hurt and pain and I pray that together we can overcome.

I don't want to start our family here because things just aren't safe and opportunities aren't the same as they are at home.  However, I want you to know that there are places like this in the world.  People who have less than you and go through more than you.  As a family we will help others and do what we can to take away some of their pain.

Be thankful for what you have and the love surrounds you.  But don't forget the people, especially the children, who are left behind. 

Love,
Mom

You've Been On My Mind

My Dear Girls,

You have been on my mind a lot lately.  Everywhere I go and anything I do there are children all around.  I will be ready to adopt in four to five years and I wonder all the time if you have been born yet and where you are.  I pray that you are safe.

Sometimes I just miss you all so much that my heart literally hurts.  I want to tuck you into bed at night, I want to go on fun adventures with you, help you with your homework and take all of your pain away.

Knowing that I am not your biological mother means that you have been through more pain in your short life than I have already.  I try not to think about all of the different reasons that could cause you to need a family because all are so sad.  I have been preparing my heart for a long time to parent souls that have been through great trauma and I feel ready.  The wait is so hard, but I know that the payoff will be so sweet.

I have wanted you all and known what my family was supposed to look like for half my life now.  Each of you has a piece of my heart that is missing until we are finally together.  The ache is dull and constant.  Ever since I knew that my purpose in life is to be a mother, I have been waiting until the time is right.

If there's one thing I want you to know now it is that I thought of each of you every single day for years and years before you were ever in my arms.  You were wanted, desperately, completely and unconditionally.

We are all on our own journeys right now.  Some of us not even yet born.  We will be united one day and we were meant to be a family.

I love you so much,
Mom